10 WWE Superstars Whose Real Names Are Better Than Their Ring Names
They should be shootin' instead of workin'...
Dec 23, 2018
Go on, admit it - you came up with your own wrestling name when you were younger, didn't you? You created the wrestler version of yourself on SmackDown 2: Know Your Role, didn't you? You screamed your wrestler-name at the top of your lungs while hitting a gnarly Stone Cold Stunner on your favourite wrestling buddy, didn't you?
It's nothing to be ashamed of, we've all been there. I reckon a fair few of our favourite WWE Superstars have been there too, even though a select few of them had the perfect name for a WWE Superstar since they were born.
Coming up with a WWE name that is both fitting and original is really hard as we sit here on the brink of 2019 as we've seen absolutely everything there is to see. What's more, with bonafide gimmicks a thing of the past - the likes of Undertaker and Woken Matt Hardy aside, of course - and more
bog-standard
human names with a quirky character behind them preferred, the task of coming up with a good one arguably has never been harder.
So with that being said, let's have a look at 10 current WWE Superstars whose real names are better than their ring names. If only Vince McMahon didn't have to own everything, right?
Pete Dunne is a very
hard
sounding name for a very
hard
fighting man - but Peter England? You just know he's the kind of rapscallion from the 1970s, north-west of England, common as muck (even though he thinks he's middle class), known around the town with a terrifying reputation, in the pub every night drinking bitter with a pack of cigarettes - AND he's got the thickest and slickest moustache you've ever laid your eyes upon.
He's a glorious bastard, is Peter England. Pete Dunne isn't so bad though...
This is one for the younger portion of our audience, with their "YAAAS DADDY" this, and their "SLAY DADDY" that.
I was watching a slice of UpUpDownDown recently where Liv was the special guest. As you may know, when a guest appears on UUDD, they have to assign themselves with a nickname. Liv's, naturally, is Daddy.
Gionna Jene Daddio is a gimmick that will be completely lost on anyone who is over the age of 22, or isn't up to date with the dankest (?) memes and the current Top 40 chart (if that's even a thing these days...) - but WWE is for everyone, isn't it? So there we go. YAAAAAAAS!
When R-Truth was signed to TNA back in the day, he went by Ron "The Truth" Killings and I thought that was one of, if not the most badass name I've heard, like, ever.
Obviously, with a surname like that, I'm sure one or two sponsors that WWE must keep happy would have something to say and that's a massive shame really. He's not
really
going to kill anyone, dear sponsors. He's just going to
act
like he is because it's a fantastically intimidating name.
Chad Allegra, otherwise known as Chad 2 Badd, of course.
The Good Brother is a bit of abnormality when it comes to professional wrestlers with ring names because he's taken a perfectly good wrestling name and changed it for something more boring. Not that there's anything overtly wrong with the name Karl, of course. I guess this is just me, whenever I think of the name Karl, I just imagine Carl from Lenny and Carl in my head, even though I probably shouldn't since Carl's 'Carl' from Lenny and Carl starts with a 'C' instead of a 'K'. And I know that's probably unfair of me to think this way because Carl (from Carl and Lenny) is a nice man, but he's not going to steal a wrestling show and then steal your girlfriend afterwards like CHAD ALLEGRA, is he?
Chad Allegra, that's a main event level heel from Miami, isn't it?
"Her name is a car, her name is a ca-aa-ar, oh Mercedes Kaestner-Varnado, her name is a car!"
If you're English or understand the science behind football chants, you know how that one goes.
While
The Legit Boss, Sasha Banks
just feels like it was meant to be, I can't be the only one thinking that Mercedes Kaestner-Varnado is a really special, exclusive-feeling WWE name. It sounds like one of those one-off special edition Mercedes G-Wagons you see a famous rapper paying millions of dollars for just because it has a floor mat made from part of a jumper once worn by Freddie Mercury or something.
Although, I do guess that with a name like that, Michael Cole, Tom Phillips, and the rest of WWE's commentators would have their tongues tied a number of times during any one of her matches.
I do have to wonder what Maggle would scream instead of "IT'S BOSS TIME" though...
And speaking of mouthfuls...
Yes, as long as your mother's phonebook it may be, but it's a bloody beautiful name, isn't it? And just picture the scenes when she walks out to a ditty to the tune of The Knack's
My Sharona
- because her name is Sarona, and that sounds like Sharona...
"Duh duh duh duh duh duh, duh duh, duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duh - Ooooooo-ohhh, my Sarona Moana-Marie Reiher Snuka-Polamalu!"
On second thoughts... that might not work. Oh well, great name nonetheless.
Thaddeus Bullard Senior is a name that belongs to the original Intellectual Saviour of the Masses, I'm sure you will agree. Imagine if Damien Sandow was called Thaddeus Bullard Senior? He would have been even more pompous and arrogant than he already was.
That's not saying Thaddeus and Bullard are pompous and arrogant names, of course - but they bloody well are when you annunciate every single syllable in an over the top fashion.
Then again, look at the picture above, take everything that you know about Titus O'Neil and then imagine him playing a character like Damien Sandow... maybe he
was
better off being plan, old Titus all along...
Yes, Bobby Fish's real name is Bobby Fish. But when I hear the name Robert Anthony Fish, I picture a scumbag with a pencil moustache, cheap suit, suspenders, quirky hat, drinking some powerful cognac neat before driving home in his
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag (-uar)
.
Robert Anthony Fish is a scoundrel, but he always gets away with it because he's so bloody smooth and refined in everything that he does... kind of like The Undisputed Era's Bobby Fish if you think about it...
Unfortunately for Cesaro and his family, he lost his first name a few years ago. Rest in peace, Antonio.
To me, a name like Claudio Castagnoli sounds like it belongs to somebody in the Mafia - and very high in the Mafia up as well.
That's merely Castagnoli
kind of
sounds like Consigliere... if you're drunk, or slightly hard of hearing I concede. And if you don't know what one of those is, I've nicked the following definition off one of those 'fandom' sites so it's got to be correct: "The consigliere, or chief advisor, or counsellor, is the Bosses right-hand man. The Consigliere is not officially part of the hierarchy of the Mafia, but he is very powerful in the organization, and he plays one of the most important roles in a crime family."
You know that meme that goes something like 'if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best,' well, it sounds like Drew McIntyre - merely just the name because the man behind it is everything that I am not - is him at his worst, with Andrew McLean Galloway IV him at his very, very best.
In 2018, outside of being called a
daddy
or something, I don't think there's a higher compliment than that!
Imagine
being the fourth in line for anything besides the queue at the post office. Special stuff.